When a friend's mom was dying....
This is what I wrote to my friend Rick when his mom was dying:
When I got your message late last night it gave me the evening to consider my response. We are fellow atheists and we understand more fully the finite existence we hold. Knowing this, I for one, feel compelled to hold more tightly to those I love. But it also means we are more responsible for the quality of our lives and our relationships we have. When a person has been able to live a full, long life, the measure of that person's life is more significant. The love that they garner as their life draws to a close becomes more precious to those who love them, for the goodness they gave and the limits allowed by nature. Life as we know is a fleeting moment in the space of time. We must embrace it and live within the moment. As we grow older I believe we, the rational, become more acceptant of death. We also see the fatigue of a long life. Each day slips by more quickly. Our bodies age before our eyes and our children grow into maturity at an ever alarming rate. The finality of death becomes not a challenge but a companion, the inevitable partner we can not escape. We do ourselves well to remember that it is inescapable and after a while, some grow not only to accept it, but to welcome it.
As a son you must prepare yourself for the inevitable. It is the proper order of things that the children outlive their parents. It is in this final time we show our true selves and the quality of the relationships bear out. I know it must be hard facing the inevitable but take solace in the good things, the shared experiences. Draw your focus on the meaning your mother brought to your life. As a parent I know my desires for my children include an independence separate from me. We strive to rear these children into adulthood and hope that we have raised the best persons we could. I believe your mother has that comfort in you, her son, a loving brother, a responsible, decent, kind, compassionate man. Regrets are easy, living with change is difficult, so make the most of the time you have remaining. Love her now as she is edging closer to leaving you. Love her.
When I got your message late last night it gave me the evening to consider my response. We are fellow atheists and we understand more fully the finite existence we hold. Knowing this, I for one, feel compelled to hold more tightly to those I love. But it also means we are more responsible for the quality of our lives and our relationships we have. When a person has been able to live a full, long life, the measure of that person's life is more significant. The love that they garner as their life draws to a close becomes more precious to those who love them, for the goodness they gave and the limits allowed by nature. Life as we know is a fleeting moment in the space of time. We must embrace it and live within the moment. As we grow older I believe we, the rational, become more acceptant of death. We also see the fatigue of a long life. Each day slips by more quickly. Our bodies age before our eyes and our children grow into maturity at an ever alarming rate. The finality of death becomes not a challenge but a companion, the inevitable partner we can not escape. We do ourselves well to remember that it is inescapable and after a while, some grow not only to accept it, but to welcome it.
As a son you must prepare yourself for the inevitable. It is the proper order of things that the children outlive their parents. It is in this final time we show our true selves and the quality of the relationships bear out. I know it must be hard facing the inevitable but take solace in the good things, the shared experiences. Draw your focus on the meaning your mother brought to your life. As a parent I know my desires for my children include an independence separate from me. We strive to rear these children into adulthood and hope that we have raised the best persons we could. I believe your mother has that comfort in you, her son, a loving brother, a responsible, decent, kind, compassionate man. Regrets are easy, living with change is difficult, so make the most of the time you have remaining. Love her now as she is edging closer to leaving you. Love her.
