Good Riddance to James Dobson, an evil MF
When Jerry Falwell died, the NYT comments section on one of the stories was open and someone famously wrote: "Ding Ding. The witch is dead." The Wizard of Oz reference was particularly apt given the gay community's love of the movie and Falwell's vitriolic attacks against the anyone who identified as LGBT.
Today we say "Good Riddance" to James Dobson, the evil motherfucker who started Focus On The Family. The aspect of FOTF and Dobson that I, as a parent, found most repugnant was his approach to caring for babies. Because his religious slant believed that babies were born in sin, his cruel organization taught that parents should let babies cry it out. He believed that babies were expressing their sin nature by crying and were acting to defy their parents and warp their parents to their will. Dobson thought that children should be broken and bent to their parents' will, dominated, submissive to parental authority.
It disgusted me to think that my sweet, innocent wee ones were born in sin and deserving of hell. It was the final nail in the coffin for religious belief in my life. My religious mega church SIL followed this policy and it saddened me immensely. She wouldn't even breast feed her babies. As my babies came along I listened and so did my body. My firstborn, my daughter, could trigger my lactation with her cry. It wasn't the cry for when she was tired or wanted to be held or when she needed her diaper changed. It was a specific, unique cry. It was easy to discern because I felt it immediately.
As she grew, I listened and could discern her needs by her cry and other physical cues. This was as natural as nursing her. It was as easy as growing her inside of me. When she was first born, I was scared because everything had been "on autopilot" when she was gestating. Outside the womb, I had to rely on instinct and a well worn baby book, my bible for childcare. We had dial up back in those days and getting info and finding support wasn't as ubiquitous as today's internet.
We co slept with her, advised by my baby book. She was easy to respond to laying at my side. A simple turn and stretch and whimper from her and my body awakened. She fed, was changed, and we returned to sleep. In less than four months she slept through the night. It took until after her brother came along two years later for her to switch to sleeping between us. Our son was a different personality altogether but his cries were quickly discerned.
Unlike Reed, Peter would have none of that co sleeping, stretching and bucking against me until I'd put him in the bedside cradle. Each night he cried a tad and was nursed, changed, and we returned to sleep. Sleeping curled up together as a family felt like the most natural thing in the world. I imagine our cave dwelling ancestors had felt the same with their babes sleeping close by. When Peter was ready and eager to sleep in his crib by 3-4 months, his big sister gladly joined him in their shared room. They became nearly inseparable, two peas in a pod. Yet some nights Reed returned to our bed. And we were okay with that.
Peter and Reed were very different personalities from the beginning but they were never, ever born in sin and going to hell. The likes of James Dobson are piss poor parents, power hungry, aggressive, and selfish with their wives in my opinion. And they are wrong, so very wrong. Children display different temperaments from a young age. Our daughter was reserved and shy. Our son was funny and outgoing. At one point my toxic bio-mom was visiting and commented about how my son was an attention seeker, that he stole attention from his sister. People try to instill their own beliefs in children which often warp them and discourage natural growth. James Dobson was one of those people who wanted to warp people and shape them to his own beliefs and it came at a high cost. We now have a generation of people who embrace coldness and cruelty, shun kindness and ignore others' needs. James Dobson and Focus on the Family is one of the reasons America is divided between the kind and the cruel.
