Good bye, sweet friend
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| Mourning Dove by Doug Alder. 2021. |
My friend and self labeled Old Curmudgeon, Doug Alder, has died. He was 80 something, born sometime in September, and hated celebrating his birthday so he refused to tell most people the exact day. He attributed it to a difficult childhood.
He was predeceased by his wife Diane Oser, an artist (2018). Doug loved Diane dearly and in the years after her death, his grief was profound. Doug and Diane met late in life. She had grown children. Doug had an open heart.
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| Diane and Doug at Spanish Banks Beach, Vancouver, the year before they married |
Doug loved photography and his beautiful work can be seen on his flicker account and 500px. But his love of photography was merely a way of expressing his love of nature. A true environmentalist, in his healthier days Doug would walk his dogs through the woods. His camera captured the birds and insects, the weather and seasons, and the beauty of British Columbia. After Diane's death the dogs were succeeded by a rambunctious kitten, Ogo, named for the mythical Ogopogo of Okanagan Lake.
Early in life after a difficult upbringing, Doug attended culinary school in Vancouver and became a trained chef to match his intuitive leanings. He was proud to say he had been taught by a kitchen witch. Later he would work in IT after a stint running his own BBS. He went through ups and down, and some financial struggles when Brian and Lora welcomed him into their home for 5 years. Then he met Diane. They say the third time's the charm and he fell under Diane's spell, and she fell under his. He settled into a home and life which suited him, his culinary needs, with space for gardening. Joyously they burned their mortgage in the mid 2010s; a small bonfire in their backyard surrounded by bird feeders and their garden.
Gardening was a passion and an extension of his enjoyment of cooking. He made his own sauces and wanted everyone to know the ease of making an omelet. He shared his recipes and encouraged experiments in the kitchen.
Doug was a proud atheist but like many of us shared a love of old traditions. He made friends over the years in the pagan community, traveling to Colorado to celebrate DragonFest. His second marriage was a pagan ritual which he said confused the hell out of his parents. He never held with the ideas of monotheism and thought the pagan myths were more interesting because the gods were more human and much more fun.
Doug believed in love and caring for pets, plants, and the planet. He promoted science and common sense and common decency. Yes, Doug was an old curmudgeon but also adored because he was such a decent and kind human being.
I leave you with this poem written by Doug after Diane's death
Grief
Sometimes
Sometimes it's like a winter squall
Howling in off the ocean
cold salty spray, hot salty tears
flooding everything in its path
Uprooting trees and lives equally
Sometimes
Sometimes you think it's done
Only to turn around and
at the littlest thing drown in it
over over over
seemingly no end
Sometimes
Sometimes you just can't stand
so you crumble
lose your footing in the flood
drown in grief
rending time, crying for forgiveness
Always
Always, those who are gone do not hear you
energy dissipated into the void
released from its mortal shell
reclaimed by the universe at large
no ears to hear no mind to sense
Always
Always forgiveness starts with yourself
--Doug Alder
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| Hen and Chicks by Doug Alder, 2013. |
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| Suspicion by Doug Alder, 2015 |
