The Weekly Wrap Up
And a little later than usual, here's the weekly wrap up of absurd, silly, stupid, and sarcastic quotables from around the web. Enjoy! or just roll your eyes.
The Illiterati
A decade ago, 40 percent of Trump voters told pollsters they were in favor of bombing Agrabah, the fictional country in which Disney's Aladdin takes place. At a vibes level, this probably does tell you a lot of them are kind of racist, but it is not measuring a meaningful "policy preference".
EPA Commissioner Lee Zeldin is "sick" of people who are "just asking questions" about contrails being "dismissed and vilified by the media" for being morons. Zeldin instructed the EPA to compile a list of "everything we know about contrails." Here you go, Lee: contrails are exhaust trails from airplanes. The end.
The decorated rear admiral who was heading the critically important Office of Naval Research, and who brought lengthy experience in Navy tech-leadership to the job, "is being replaced by a 33-year-old former DOGE employee with no apparent naval experience."
President Donald Trump’s authoritarian rampage has relied on a bold and cynical strategy to bend the public’s perception of reality: abject stupidity.
"Trump’s smart enough to know that overwhelming the public with seemingly asinine ideas and actions creates a disorienting, even blinding effect, blurring the lines between reality and fantasy and making it harder to challenge his lies. In essence, the stupidity is the point."---Anthony L. Fisher
You take a bunch of people who don’t seem any different from you and me, but when you add them all together you get this sort of huge raving maniac with national borders and an anthem.- Monstrous Regiment, Terry Pratchett
Justice?
As we wait for the Supreme Court to decide whether it matters that Trump LIED about a non-existent "rebellion" in Illinois, we wonder if the Ninth Circuit will care that Trump told similar LIES in the Oregon nat'l guard case.
And right on time, the DOJ says that the lies were immaterial, despite the fact that they were repeated 18 times in the panel's opinion. And also, whoopsie doodle, DOJ found a couple more HARMLESS math errors.
Why are you melting down about the destruction of the East Wing? What a bunch of crybabies! RESPONSE: You MFs just melted down over the Cracker Barrel logo changing!
Name one thing Republican women have that Democratic women don't have? A husband with a GRINDR Account.
Two federal prosecutors have been placed on leave at the direction of the White House after filing a sentencing memo seeking 27 months in prison for a pardoned Jan. 6 rioter who brought illegal guns and ammunition to President Obama's house in 2023.
Orange Man
If Trump is considering a third term, then it's time to bring back Obama for a third term.
It's only fair to give Donald Trump a 3rd term, so he can fix the damage he's done in his 2nd term.
Trump’s ‘big lie’ is, at its core, a witless tantrum thrown by a malignant narcissist who lacks the integrity to accept defeat.
The cult would vote for the corpse of Trump if he was in the ballot.
Just in time for Halloween, Tangerine Palpatine is scaring everyone with loose talk of nuclear weapons. The big rotting pumpkin declared America would begin nuclear testing “on an equal basis” with Russia and China. He said he “HATED to do it,” which of course means he loved to do it. Darth Tax Evader would gladly nuke the entire planet to save his own skin.
Even Fox knows that Trump is a toddler throwing temper tantrums. VARNEY: Trump announced all trade talks with Canada have been cut off because of a fake ad showing Reagan badmouthing tariffs. HASSETT: The president I'm sure has his reasons. Sometimes when you're frustrated a timeout is the right call. It's probably a good time to take a break. That's right, Fox just said Trump needs a timeout. Now go sit (crisscross applesauce) facing the corner until you can learn to behave.
I'm sorry but if you think “normies” don't care about the White House being demolished for a half billion dollar golden vanity ballroom as the economy implodes, then you just aren't as plugged in as you think you are.
The destruction of the East Wing of The White House was slated as a reno by one NYT columnist. Mind you, this comes at a time when Americans are taking out Home Equity Loans NOT for renovations but so they can pay their bills.
Isn’t it time to remove Count Grabula from power? Legitimately concerned this lunatic will blow up the planet just to keep the Epstein files hidden. In less than a year he’s had an MRI, two “annual” physicals, a cognitive exam, face drooping, swollen ankles, bruised hands, and a mysterious week-long disappearance. He looks lost in every new video. And yet he holds the nuclear codes whilst building himself a ballroom bunker.
Nosferatu News
Stephen Miller on Fox threatens to arrest JB Pritzker for "seditious conspiracy" and says, "to all ICE officers: you have federal immunity in the conduct of your duties. And anybody who lays a hand on you or tries to stop or obstruct you is committing a felony."---It sounded better in the original German
Reality Check & Resistance
Antisemitic Christian Zionists make up a much higher percentage of the US population than Jews full stop.
Republican Governor Greg Abbott recently ordered cities in Texas to remove all rainbow crosswalks as part of his “war on woke.” Oak Lawn United Methodist Church in Dallas didn’t argue. Instead, they simply picked up their paintbrushes and turned their church’s exterior into a rainbow Pride flag.
Fox tried to smear Mamdani for NYC Mayor. They pointed out his goals of free childcare, free baby baskets (Gift baskets for newborns), and a $30 minimum wage. It backfired. It made Mamdani sound like the most pro-family candidate on any ballot anywhere in the US.
Press Secretary KKKaroline Leavitt told Americans that Trump's number one priority is building teh Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ball Room. Not the budget impasse. Not Snap benefits running out. Not skyrocketing ACA costs. Nope, his priority is the place where he hopes to be crowned Napoleon style.
Operation Occupy America
I know it’s too much to expect them to know their history, but if the American Revolution had a motto, it definitely would not have been “immigrants go home.” It would have been “get your fucking soldiers out of our cities.”
Portland Police Commander Franz Schoening testified that federal officers on Oct. 18 barraged protesters with crowd control munitions — not because of any violence but because another federal officer accidentally shot tear gas onto the roof of the ICE facility.
ICE are inept racist tools of fascism.
Sadly, while ICEstapo is violent, bumbling, dangerous masked bigots with guns and pardon promises for their lawbreaking, CBP is the MOST violent, using paramilitary tactics to violate our Constitution under color of law.
CBP can do anything to you. Your rights are zilch.
Plaintiffs in Chicago lawsuit against DHS ask why the feds can put together fascist video edits for social media but can not give them any of the raw footage through discovery.
The admin just fired a bunch of folks in ICE leadership for not being extreme enough, and moved CBP people in because they are more likely to just follow orders.
The most recent police report I've seen involving the National Guard was from Monday, when a sergeant from Alabama reported that a man "spit in her direction" and some of the spit landed on the sleeve of her uniform. The man was charged with a misdemeanor. The sergeant declined medical treatment.
ICE is all but extricating itself from the process … while effectively turning immigration enforcement into a service industry; a continuous, privatized, and largely unseen system capable of moving detainees hundreds of miles overnight while operating without direct federal presence.
"You're a ginger, so I'm sure you're legal." Caught on a police camera, an ICE agent getting arrested for drunk driving tell a cop that he uses race to decide who to target. The Washington Post obtained the rest of the body cam footage showing that the drunk-driving ICE agent promised to check if the arresting officer's partner was Haitian. "I’m going to run some checks when I get back." He added that he would have him deported if "not legit."
“.. A top US military official has ordered the national guards of all 50 US states .. to form ‘quick reaction forces’ trained in ‘riot control’, including use of batons, body shields, Tasers and pepper spray, according to an internal Pentagon directive ..” This is still the thing that scares me most right now. Generally, I think the National Guard would actually be less violent and abusive than what we’re seeing from ICE and CBP. But Hegseth and his underlings would be hand-picking these teams.
As a clever form of peaceful protest, a DC man walked along near National Guard troops deployed in the city playing the Imperial March from Star Wars from a portable speaker. To disprove this scurrilous slander... they arrested him.
Hunger In America: The Republican Response
I‘m sorry you are going hungry we had to give a bailout to that creepy Argentinian libertarian guy who tried to make crypto the national currency and immediately crashed the entire economy.
Many people are saying the sprawling lines at food banks are the greatest bread lines since Lincoln.
I'm sorry you can't have food, but I need my gold-gilded ballroom.
Trump won’t help. He doesn’t care. He never did. They got money for private jets for Kristi Noem to go to the Superbowl and for Kash Patel to visit his girlfriend in Cleveland. They got money to pay Mike Johnson while the government is shutdown so he can cover up the Epstein files. They got money for construction crews and gold and marble. But not a dime for food for those most in need.
I'm sorry you can't have food but we gave all our money to one guy who “invented” 2 day shipping and another that's promising robot butlers, so you can see how our hands are tied.
If nobody was hungry, nobody would need to work 80 hours a week at these folks businesses.
You make it sound all negative. With the two day shipping and robots we don’t need all those people anymore and have plenty of material for Soylent Green.
Did you ever wonder if the talk about Universal Basic Income would turn to Universal Basic Extermination when the tech bros understand that they would be taxed to pay for UBI?
The proceeds from the Soylent Green sales will cover the cost of UBI.
Can we at least fuck the robot butlers?
It's Back! AKA Fuck Ezra Klein
Emperor Nero was killing Jews and Christians the right way---by Ezra Klein, 64 A.D.
Cruella de Ville is practicing dog care the right way---by Ezra Klein
The Republicans refusal to fund SNAP is MAHA the right way---by Ezra Klein
Whether it is Democrats saying they are willing to negotiate over the government shutdown, or Republicans closing congress, fleeing DC, and proudly announcing there will be no negotiations, both sides refusing to end the shutdown are doing it the right way---by Ezra Klein
Bari Weiss is determined to cripple CBS News the right way---by Ezra Klein
Donald Trump does the east wing the right way---by Ezra Klein
I would never have expected that Charlie Kirk would be more annoying dead. At the very least Ezra Klein is somehow even more annoying with Charlie Kirk dead.
Crying when listening to Ezra Klein is the right response.
MISC
Why did Indiana University attack and cut its own student newspaper? Well, in a twist of irony any English professor would call clichéd, it turns out IU did it because they were angry about the students' reporting on a FIRE report naming IU as the worst public university for free speech in the US.
Another illegal US maritime strike—again in the Pacific. Against a vessel allegedly operated by an unspecified "designated terrorist organization." Four reported fatalities—dubbed w/o ID or evidence "narco-terrorists." There's a word for premeditated killings outside of armed conflict: MURDER.
The Pentagon confirms to CNN it will funnel $130M from an anonymous Trump “friend” toward military pay. The donor: Timothy Mellon. As of October 2025, Bank of New York (BNY) Mellon is being sued by alleged victims of Jeffrey Epstein for financially supporting his sex-trafficking operation. The distractions from the Epstein Files are not working.
Meritocracy means mass layoffs and replacing human jobs with AI.
“They got money for wars, but can’t feed the poor.” - Tupac Shakur
“Don’t worry. There’s no way Trump would touch snap benefits.” - MAGAT. RESPONSE: Are they stupid? Trump is touching SNAP benefits like they’re a 13-year-old girl.
Insidious
The Republicans: "Well, the ACA (Obamacare) was failed to doom from the start."
Ignore that SCOUTUS removed the tax penalties to those who did not buy into the ACA for mandatory coverage. Ignore that when the tax penalty was removed, thousands and thousands of young people (who are, of course, invulnerable, or so they think) suddenly left the ACA pool. Ignore the fact that when the young people fled, the balance in the insurance pool shifted sharply to the sicker, more needy and suddenly the healthcare pool was financially strapped and prices had to be raised.
Ignore the fact that Covid happened and was highly mismanaged by Trump 1.0. And that Covid left long term effects and triggered secondary diseases like Diabetes.
Ignore that Medicare was not expanded through all the states leaving the poorest seeking healthcare for services they could not afford. And that the medical expenses which were unpaid raised the cost of medical care for everyone who had to absorb the costs. So healthcare costs increased and that also made premiums go up.
Ignore that Republicans in 2025 have cut medical research funds.
Ignore that funding to the CDC and NIH has been cut by Republicans in 2025.
Ignore that Trump, by EO, demanded that the US no longer deal with the WHO.
Ignore that Republicans in 2025 have cut funding to community health centers.
Ignore that Republicans are gutting Medicare and Medicaid and increasing deductibles and costs out of pocket.
Ignore that HHS Secretary is promoting Medicare Part C which rakes in dollars for private insurers while denying and reducing coverage to seniors but please, let Capitalism make healthcare decisions, not your doctors.
Ignore the fact that Brain Worm Bobby thinks "Vaccines Bad" (insert Neanderthal grunt) and measles and other childhood diseases are surging.
AND definitely Ignore the benefits brought about by Obamacare which cover ACA plans and all plans including private and employer plans:
Coverage to age 26 for young adults through their parents plans,
no lifetime caps,
free annual exams,
free standard bloodwork for the annual exams,
free contraception and sterilization,
eliminated costs differences between women can grow babies inside,
determined that pregnancy is not a pre existing condition and therefore denied coverage,
and that insurance can no longer be denied if you have had cancer, a transplant, or other serious illness or life long illness...or any preexisting condition whatever it may be.
