Reality Check
We are not wealthy. We are no longer middle class. We are firmly working class. When our children were growing up, we had a higher household income and our dollars had more buying power. Yet our children always knew we struggled. At one point my daughter asked me, "Are we poor?" "No," I replied. "We're just broke."
With two growing, hungry children, it always seemed a struggle. I had once hoped the word struggle would be less true as the children grew up and we settled into our middle and older years. But circumstances changed. Lance and I both began going through bouts of poor health which weighed heavily against our pocketbook. Our son became deathly ill and his entire outlook changed as he continues to deal with daily meds and constant monitoring.
Breaking Old Habits
I enjoy shopping...or at least I used to.
Shopping became a habit and it was a hard habit to break. It helped that I was forced to go cold turkey. A while back I became very ill. It was the kind of illness that kept me inside, on my back. Getting up made my head swim and my heart race. I broke out in a sweat and my breathing was labored. This went on for over half a year until I was approved for a procedure. That procedure failed. The surgery afterwards failed. Another procedure failed. I was hospitalized and stabilized but I have never fully recovered. Surprise, surprise the doctor whose surgery failed to repair me wants to do another surgery, actually the same surgery. But it took me until AUGUST this past year to pay off that surgery which got me no where.
During that period, I stopped shopping in stores. Instead, I ordered online. I sent my son to do the grocery shopping. My husband ran errands. I was forced to make some changes. Getting the medical bills paid off really weighed heavily on me and I began to review our budget. I used to watch where every penny went when the kids were wee but by the time they went to college, I didn't bother. Money was going into savings and retirement. At the time I didn't really think much about money. We seemed to have enough, or just enough to get by. But if you'd asked, I still would have said, "We're not poor. We're just broke." It's just that we were firmly middle class by that time. We'd never be rich. And being middle class was a good thing, right? We just didn't have a positive net worth. We owed. But still, in our minds, we were middle class so we thought we were okay.
A Necessary Reassessment
At some point I started to notice that prices were rising across the board and wages for our family had hit a low as I stayed home. With medical crises in full swing, I decided it was time for a financial review. I sold what I could, calling someone I knew to buy some things left over from my collections. (I had left the office job behind several years before to venture out on my own.) I donated a few leftover things so that I wouldn't be tempted into the antiques seller's cycle again. My online selling accounts were closed out and I looked for ways to better spend what we had coming in.
Next, I reviewed the budget basics. It was fortunate I had paid principal payments early on so our mortgage payoff was already years ahead of schedule. I took advantage of some 4% loan rates we were eligible for and consolidated some debt. Our adult son lives with us so I asked him to contribute more to the household fund: groceries, utilities, and chores.
Then I tackled the daily budget. I took the guys aside and made a few announcements. The thermostat was inching upward for the summer and lights were to be turned off. Winter meant layering clothes. Laundry loads would be larger and less often. No more random treats. And my grocery buying routine was changing as we'd be tightening the belt. More rice and beans. More homemade food. Fewer easy to heat-and-eat and processed meals. Going out to eat would be a treat, a real treat, as in it's your birthday kind of treat. If you wanted books, borrow them from the library. Download free films. Only one streaming service was allowed for the household. Take a walk if you needed to get away. Check out a free park's pass.
But the one place I had to commit to most of all was changing my buying habits. Always the deal seeker, I had a set order of places I would go each time I had a few spare hours. I had broken away from visiting those places when I became ill. But now I stopped looking at the estate sale pages. I closed out my Marketplace account so I couldn't even browse.
I made a list of rules for shopping online. Food was ok if it meant real savings and a saved trip and was hard to find. All three criteria had to be met. No more new clothes, just replacements for things that had worn out. Purses and jewelry were right out. Use what I had. No more random gifts, just birthday cash. Yes, the Grandkitty gets a gift card and she now has a Granny Bee to swat at along with bonito flakes. Anything put into the online basket had to sit there for days unless it was medicine.
And then I took the electric shock therapy. No, not that one, an online assessment. I pulled up the past couple of years of credit card purchases. The credit card company was nice enough to let me place things into spending categories. I started with the quarterly numbers and then the annual spending totals. How the hell had we spent over $15,000.00 in groceries and dining out in one year? Over six thousand in automotive spending? Sure, at the time L had a 125 mile commute which meant oil changes and tire rotation every 6-7 weeks. But the auto insurance costs merited a review with our agent.
The Amazon purchases were a little hazy so I had to go to their site and see what I had spent where. Underwear? Okay. Medicine? Fine. But that mandoline and dough scraper had gone unused and were eventually gifted. And there were too many other little purchases which really added up. Some were gifts for my daughter who had asked for none of them. Why was I upset when all of it had been paid off every two weeks on payday? I'd even made cash back (1% - 7%) on the mandoline, the gas, the insurance premiums, on all of it.
But why the hell were we Spending So Much on So Much?
Deep Breath. It had to stop. All of it had to stop. At the end of 2024 I made a few new rules for 2025.
I needed to know exactly what we owed and what that cost us every single month. I had an idea because I balanced the checkbook but that final number? That mortgage interest was how much every month!? What was the medical debt fee? Why was I being charged 50¢ for the phone company to send me a bill every month? Why did we need a long distance plan anymore? Everyone has email!
How much real cash did we have? What else was there which could be liquidated into cash? Not credit lines? Not funds we could borrow against? Just cold hard cash that could get to us within 72 hours.
What could I do to instantly save us some money?
Could we do it on one income plus a fair, affordable contribution from our son who lives with us?
What else could we sell?
Where could I cut back?
Could I stick to it?
2025 Rewind
The first month of 2025 rang in like a death knell. Trump was sworn in and immediately the bottom fell out. But it forced me into action.
As federal job cuts were made, we saw the writing looming over our final source of income and a very real threat of ending the ACA, our son's only healthcare provider of his lifesaving meds, tests, and specialty care.
Over the next few months we took the opportunity to sever ties to any company that had put Trump in office. We cancelled remaining subscriptions, closed social media accounts, and narrowed our scope to limit the mental fall out over the destruction of America.
While empowering to finally rid ourselves of Netflix's ever increasing fees and lesser content, it was leaving social media that had the most profound effect. I had been linked into a world of consumerism that was suddenly gone. By May I was off YouTube for several months. I have since returned but with a much limited viewing time. Cat videos are a good counterbalance to the news. And so are Tai Chi (free exercise) and meditation music (free mental healthcare).
By mid-February our son had a new job, a FT job with benefits and a meal allowance at a local hospital. A month later he had employee provided healthcare at half the cost of his ACA plan. It is a regional hospital network centered plan but they contract with a larger medical insurer to fill the gaps. His meds were covered and his doctors were too, including the transplant doctor and transplant center. Big sigh of relief. They moved some tests inhouse and he can't see any disadvantage ...so far. Actually the old ACA deductible meant pay 9,500.00 first then some insurance payments kick in. So this new plan is better for having lower deductibles and different coverage levels as you go from day one. It also doesn't single him out based on being high-need like the ACA plans did after SCOTUS ruled people couldn't be forced to join, thereby diminishing the pool of contributors, creating tiers of care.
Another radical change I made this past year was to leave the grocery shopping to someone else, that random guy who needs a job at Walmart. Now dependent upon a cane to walk, it is rare I venture into a grocery anymore and never without a companion which brings me to the next change. L and I run errands together. I drive. He plays DJ. But most importantly, he is the gopher. I stay in the car and he runs in and out of the stores. At Trader Joe's he goes in and buys what's on the list and leaves. Me? I want to see what they have, what we haven't had in a while. Paint? Tea? Book pick up at the library? He is in and out in a flash. He hates running errands but he loves riding around with me listening to music, sharing something old, something new, something forgotten. And I don't face temptation being in-store alone. Know your limits.
Weighing Every Purchase
Throughout 2025, I weighed every purchase. Everything purchased was categorized. We saw the biggest savings in our random, miscellaneous spending which was nearly eliminated. Next was our grocery costs. At a time when grocery costs were soaring, I was radically saving by changing what we ate, adding significant prep time, but also batch cooking.
Yet there were times we were treating ourselves at the grocery store with things we neither needed nor were they good for us. My mindset was: Since we couldn't have the extras, we have food treats instead. In the year I had gone fully non dairy, I ate more (vegan and non-milk) ice cream than ever before. Every time the guys had a pizza, I felt I should have a specialty pre-made vegan meal that often cost more than the pizza.
If It's Really a Treat
Instead of going on a vacation or weekend outings, L and I spent the day in Atlanta buying groceries at the international markets so that was a treat. I wanted to stock up on some spices, chutneys, and teas. Our true indulgence one trip was some fresh baklava and single item fruits and veg from around the world so we could try something new and unusual.
During 2025, we got take out at a Greek place twice during vacation weeks when we just stayed home doing chores. There was a Thai restaurant for my birthday. Then we went to one place to shop so I could get myself a birthday present. Lance went with me and paid for some small antiques that came out to less than the meal with tip. Other than that, I did not set foot in any other seconds shop all year. Besides, my Dad's cash gift more than covered the meal out. It seemed ok to spend a bit for my birthday.
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For my birthday, a hand carved wood frog...just because
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| Chinese import vase from the 1890s-1920s. A little worse for wear, it was just a couple of dollars. |
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Repoussé Brass or Copper Indian bowl featuring one of the tales of Hanuman. c. 19th century.
It was hidden under a layer of dark tarnish and dust. An amazing find. |
Doubling Down
In 2025, we doubled up on some payments as we took advantage of a limited time zero percentage credit card rate. As those debts disappeared, we then paid off the 0% card where we had put groceries and gas for a while. We also utilized a small loan pegged to the fed rate against our retirement account. The $50 loan fee and 4.5% interest rate was tiny compared to what the medical debt interest rate was.
Next, extra OT and weekend pay went towards paying off the car early. We'd bought a new Subaru at the height of the post pandemic supply chain meltdown. We had to. The 2013 Prius was exhausted at nearly a quarter of a million miles. (We had bought it used for under $10K and less than 60K mileage.) The Prius was our only car, bought post-accident in
May, 2020, when the pandemic had people selling cars to survive. In less than three years we had added over 180K miles. Three sharing a car. One with a long distance commute (125-250 miles). At least it was a hybrid with 50 miles to the gallon.
Every mechanic told us that for the cost of repair for the Prius, between the battery and fuel injection system, we should just walk away. Car prices in Spring 2023 had skyrocketed and cars were on months long back order. The used car market had risen so high in price and so low in inventory, the price difference between used and new was negligible. We bought the Subaru new with a 48 month loan at 3% interest and 20% down. The car payment was equal to 80% of our mortgage payment. While we had already paid early, often, and extra, I wanted that loan paid off.
As 2025 wore on, the news got worse every day with Stupid Trump's Stupid Tariffs on again and off again. Delayed shipments to the US, artificial and real fears flooded the consumer markets. Prices kept going up, a dementia addled fool remained in office, and hope was fading for any stability.
Pity & Poverty
By mid 2025 we were feeling really poor with none of the little extras. No day trips for antiquing. No new things
just because. The
grocery prices were skyrocketing. We received early notice about another year of rising property taxes and feared what that would do to the
home owner's insurance. Additional property tax estimates came in and it felt like the noose was tightening.
In the end, it was a 34% increase in our home insurance rate! A 17% increase in property values. Meanwhile, our household income was lower than when we had two hungry teens living with us while outgrowing shoes and clothing.
We felt poor, poorer than ever. Tightening the belt felt like a rope around our necks. On paper I saw the debt getting wiped out but it felt terrible because we had consumed nearly all our savings and had the tightest of budgets in an attempt to steady the ship. We were really feeling the pressure to be financially stable in a time of job instability and economic crisis. I revised our budget once again focusing on savings as much as possible, with an eye toward
snowballing the remaining debt.
We had to get out from under.
We also needed to establish a sizable savings reserve.
We had held on for so long, I thought we should continue on the right course.
A Windfall
Then in mid fall, at a time with few new car sales, record car repossessions, a government shut down looming, home sales plummeting, and falling property sales, out of the blue an adjacent property sold.
With this, we were able to pay off the house after 22 years. But paying off the house had been a multi stage process that started with our first mortgage payment when we paid extra toward the principal. Sometimes the extra principle payment was only $10 for the month. We had also made a thirteenth payment every year because L's payroll was every two weeks and not monthly, allowing a thirteenth month of pay. All in, we had already shaved nearly 5 years off the 30 year loan.
Paying off the last few years of the mortgage freed up our finances significantly. It was time to reassess our budget once again. This time I took an axe and chopped away even more. More importantly, I revised and strengthened our savings strategy. Just as I worked out the budget and paid our first round according to the plan, tragedy struck.
A Setback & New Debt
On the heels of the windfall we had a set back in November when
Lance totaled his car. And despite the year of hardship, I decided to buy a car too. I felt that it was time we really needed to return to owning two cars. Our son is scheduled to move in with his fiancée this summer and I knew we might need an emergency car after L's accident. I financed a new Sonata with 35% down and a really low loan rate based, in part, on our
exceptional credit.
Initially I thought we would get a CD secured loan at the bank but it required cashing in a high yield CD. The bank pegs the loan rate to a standard long term CD rate. Desperate for our business, the dealership and Hyundai Capital beat the bank rate of 2%. We kept the CD intact with its higher interest rate just days before the fed cut the lending rate. I reconciled having the new debt by knowing the CD we had kept was more than we owed on the car. Plus we were earning twice the loan's interest rate. The first car payment was due in late December but I have made six payments as of January 2nd and will continue to pay early to get this paid off ASAP. At this point, the car loan is the only debt that remains.
That left getting a second car, one for L. The title finally arrived for the wrecked Subaru I had paid off the month before at 30 months on a 48 month loan. Again, we had begun paying extra from the first payment. The past half year+ we'd been doubling up payments. The insurance payoff for the totaled car was finally complete.
It took a month to find this lovely car, a 2020 Subaru Crosstrek Limited with just under 40K miles. It had been on the lot for 100 days and when we arrived it was day 101. It was slated to be sold at open auction and picked up the night before. There had been a delay and the car transport was late when we arrived at 9am that morning at a VW dealership. No one had driven it in months and they had to jump off the battery. As part of the deal, we negotiated for a new battery. It ran beautifully and sounded great.
A single owner and a documented, online service log balanced out against a minor rear fender bender, now repaired, which kept the price low enough to work within our budget. I love the leather seats and Lance adores the CD player with Harman audio system. We payed $1,200.00 more than the insurance loss check and then saved $1285.00 immediately on our six month insurance cost compared to the last car. Adding another car got us a multi-car discount. Agreeing to pay the premium in full every six months got us another discount. A previous accident devalued it a bit in the eyes of the insurance company and it was 3 years older that the wrecked car. But it also has 7K fewer miles than the 2023 Crosstrek Premium and more features including my Dad's favorite,
a moon roof. Technically, I figure we made $85 off the deal so I added that to the next Sonata car payment.
Changing A Mindset
We are starting 2026 much better off than we started 2025. Unfortunately our health insurance premium, copays, and deductibles, like for so many other Americans, is expected to rise. I have read that the rates are rising 10-15% but can not find the actual dollar amount. The amount will appear on the paystub in late January or February. As a result I have committed to becoming even more cost conscious for flexible areas such as groceries and to a lesser extent, gas and travel costs.
The weekends are hard earned for L and running errands is no one's idea of fun. To cut back on gas and trip expenses, I have committed to only one errand run each week. There is no way to avoid the daily commute to get to work, but extra trips can be eliminated or combined.
The groceries will be cut back. Over the past year as I have explored new ways to
save on food, I have continued to add to our food pantry. I will be relying more on the pantry goods to jump start a new mindset for January, a
low cost grocery challenge. I would like to continue the low buy commitment into February and March.
Mainly I need to change my habits. I want to change the way I approach grocery shopping. In the past, that dollar figure left over after paying bills was a nebulous sort of number. It represented what I could spend on gas, groceries, dining out, a snack, some random purchase. I would spend and then go home and pay the credit card I had put the charge on. Now I want to have a number in my head for every item. No more nebulous numbers floating across the ledger. I want a set number for gas, groceries, meds, etc.
Leaving Lifestyle Inflation Behind
At one point, before we doubled and then quadrupled our family income, I bought with the mindset that says
Save Your pennies; you'll need them. But somewhere along the way I started to take it for granted we could get whatever we needed or wanted. I stopped counting the pennies and the dollars. I gave in to
Lifestyle Creep, aka lifestyle inflation, the flawed idea that since you are now earning more, you should be spending more.
Keep up with the Joneses; spend at the level that others in your peer group spend. It is a dangerous cycle and a difficult one to leave behind.
This January, every thing is written down. What did I spend on meds or a small project? What was spent on groceries? And more importantly, did what I get sate our needs or was it just a desire, a hankering, an urge that I was responding to. I am thinking about that salted caramel vegan ice cream I just finished and hated. Next time, I will make something from scratch with the materials at hand. A vegan cocoa with powdered milk, vanilla, chocolate, and oat milk. A boxed dessert I forget we had...
We have tightened and tightened the belt. Through hard work and a windfall we managed to get out from under. Our assets outweigh our liabilities and debts for the first time in decades. But I also know we are one accident or one illness away from accruing more debt. I want to save as much as we can so I have to change old habits by creating new ones.
I used to balk at the idea that giving up avocado toast or a Starbucks coffee would save you financially. It seemed absurd, but I was overlooking the larger concept of modifying behavior. Changing the buying habits of a lifetime take a future lifetime's commitment. I hope that by being accountable in the small things, we will improve our approach to the bigger things.
